Intimacy With the World: 2016 Three Quarter Mark

Thursday, October 6, 2016

2016 Three Quarter Mark

I realize we've passed the 3/4 mark of 2016 and this iteration of this project.

As I wind down this year, I've been thinking about what this practice meant the first time and what I'm thinking about this time.

The first time, I entered it as a practice to expose my desire for intimacy in my life. The funny thing is the practice didn't really help me with that feeling, but became more a "performance of loneliness for an audience of no one." At least two or three meta layers there, no?

This time, knowing that's what it was before and once again feeling a particular lack of intimacy in my life, I realized it was a project that could not replicate the small but significant revelation but hoped there would be some other revelation.

I don't think I have anything groundbreaking to report, really. Sorry to say it, but there it is.

I am, however, thinking about performance (for no audience) and documentation of said performance and its authenticity and its lack thereof. The pose (poser, poseur, compose, composure, expose, juxtapose . . . ) becomes the subject, maybe more than the object. Both/and.

I grow bored with this project, really, as I did in 2011. And yet when I poke it a little, I find something in it to keep me going.

I'll check in again in January, see how this all ends.

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Origin Story

2020 was pretty bad, but that's not why I'm doing this again. It's been 5 years again, so why not? I won't predict what might come of it. If 2020 has taught me anything, it's to not predict. Here's to a 2021 of bad, early morning selfies.

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2015 wasn't as bad as 2010, but it was pretty meh. This blog pulled me out of 2010 in good ways and so, five years later, I'm doing it again. Everything else from 5 years ago (below) still applies. Make of it what you will.

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As someone who has lived alone for possibly way too long, it occurs to me that no one ever sees me in my private moments. The year 2010 has heightened this feeling in significant ways and, of course, there's no better way to deal with feelings of loneliness, aging, and loss than to turn it into a conceptual art project!

My first impulse was to find someplace that would let me do a performance installation called, "hardly anyone ever sees me naked" and set up a space where I dress and undress and dress and undress (and I mean completely because I really don't have much problem with nudity). It would be an exercise in vulnerability, poignancy, and (I'll say it) exhibitionism. I decided that this would probably scandalize some members of my church (although I hasten to add that if you are a presenter and this sounds like something you'd like to present in your art space, I don't mind scandalizing the church for a small fee).

On further reflection, it occurred to me that one of the most intimate and vulnerable moments in our lives is the first thing in the morning, after waking up. Our hair is a mess, we might have stuff in the corners of our eyes, personally, I'm rather grumpy and resentful that anyone wants me anywhere before noon.

So, I decided to turn this unattractive moment into a superficial attempt at intimacy with the whole world, or at least the portion of the world connected to the internet. My self-determined rules are simple: no brushing or combing of hair, avoidance of the mirror, just write down the date, hold it next to my face, and take the picture. Oh, and only one shot. No do-overs. No attempts to take a better shot, no matter how off-centered, blurry, or just plain unappealing.

I intend to do this for the entire year of 2011. If I miss a day, I'll take it up again the next. I'll probably post the photos once a week.

That's all. Make of it what you will.